“Seek to understand so you can be understood” Stephen Covey.
This should be a leader’s mantra.
It should be a leader’s habit.
It should be the focus as leaders to use two ears, two eyes and one mouth proportionally.
Empathetic Listening is a top-level skill which takes practice and time. However, the beauty about this skill is you have both at your disposal every day.
Every day you are using time to listen, so why not make your time effective. A conversation is a relationship no matter what the content and timeframe. We only know someone by what they do and what they say. Hence every conversation allows us further insight into the other person.
Stephen Covey refers to the depositing and withdrawing from the Emotional Bank Account. Hence a conversation opens the Emotional Bank account and depending on the listeners ability to make deposits, will depend on the strength of the relationship.
I have identified the relationship between listener and speaker through the Listener’s Ladder.
1. Distracted Listener- Have you been in a listening situation where your mind was distracted with other thoughts? This situation made the speaker feel ignored. There were no deposits, and the relationship was distant. The information may have been conveyed, but not heard. This was a waste of time. A Distracted Listener is wasting time.
2. Reluctant Listener- What about when you have said yes to a Listening situation, but you are time poor? You make comments like, “Get to the point”, “Make it quick” The message you are sending is you are a Reluctant listener, and the speaker feels pressured to speak maybe missing information. The relationship is Fractured. Once again, the conversation is a waste of time.
3. Present Listener- The next level up is where we start to build the relationship by being Present and indicating to the speaker, “I am here”. Now the speaker is feeling Settled.
They feel they are being heard. The relationship is Mutual. We are both committed. A deposit has been made.
4. Engaged Listener- The Engaged Listener is not only showing physically they are present but has moved into curiosity to help align their thinking. The speaker is feeling comfortable and is happy to share more to get the message across. The relationship is Connected. Another deposit.
5. Empathetic Listener- And the ultimate is the Empathetic Listener who is present, engaged and understands the thinking of the speaker by confirming the speaker’s message. The speaker feels valued, and the relationship is trusted. Big deposit.
When you have team members who feel heard, valued and trusted, then the turmoil of the work environment can be navigated with ease as the conversations are worthwhile and everybody is getting what they want.
Are you listening to understand or listening to reply?
Where do you sit on the Listener’s ladder for a majority of you listening?
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